Ask Amy: Should I Hire My Friend As A Real Estate Agent?
Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 13 years. I have always been very insecure.
It makes me paranoid when he texts other women, even if it’s just friendly.
I check his phone and see that he deleted some text messages. It really bothers me, but he says he does it because it bothers me when he is texting other women, even though there is nothing wrong with the texts. It’s true.
I had a very bad situation in my marriage. My husband is exasperated by my behavior. I don’t know how to help my insecurities. They are irrational. I know that, but I’m just thinking about checking her phone.
I stopped checking for a while when I found a good spot in my head. But recently I did it again. I feel like I’m fighting against myself and I don’t know how to win. Why do I have this urge? How to stop it?
And how do I repair the damage I caused to my marriage?
– My own worst enemy
Dear MOWE, you and your husband are in a loop. Marriage counseling would be a great idea for both of you.
However, you take full responsibility, and it seems to me that your husband is definitely playing his part.
The common and often suggested solution when there is suspicion in a relationship is full transparency.
You wouldn’t be triggered in your sick phone check if your husband just shared these conversations with you: “Sharon said the funniest thing about a movie she just saw. It’s hilarious. Check it out… “
If you secretly check his phone and he knows it, he should bring that communication into your relationship area and hand you his phone.
You say you recently stopped checking her phone – “when you got to the right place”, but I suggest you may have found yourself in the right place because you stopped checking her phone. The behavior itself triggers your insecurity.
You can both consciously change your behavior so that you can be full and trusted partners.
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Dear Amy: A year ago, my best friend, “Terri” got her real estate license. She has worked very hard to build her clientele. She was successful in selling two homes and being the buyer’s agent for three home sales.
My husband and I want to buy a house soon, and I’m not sure if I should hire him as an agent. She’s a wonderful friend and we’ve been through thick and thin together.
On the one hand, I want to do all I can to support my friend in her new career. I think she has great qualities and would do a good job for us.
I’m also worried that she will be hurt if we don’t choose her.
However, my husband is nervous about his inexperience, and I’m worried that if we didn’t agree to this transaction, it would hurt our friendship.
What do you think we should do?
BFF in the west
Dear BFF: The result here depends somewhat on your different temperaments. Is your friend organized and unfazed? Are you and your husband able to calmly tolerate frustration? Does “Terri” have good reviews from other customers?
I think you should use your friend as an agent, with a few caveats.
Because she is your friend and knows you very well, she will likely work extremely hard to show you properties and work as your lawyer during the process.
If you and your husband agree to use it, you both need to be extremely up front. Tell him, “We would love to use you as an agent, but buying a home can be a very stressful experience, and we want to make sure that each of us comes out of it with the best results. We will be very honest with you and want to make sure that the three of us can communicate well in this business mode even if we are frustrated or confused.
Dear Amy: “Empty Nest” wanted to host international students for Thanksgiving dinner.
I grew up in a college town, and my parents always did this!
Honestly, I didn’t always like giving up my own “seat at the table” for Thanksgiving, but looking back, I think it was really generous of me to feed and house these students who had nowhere. somewhere else to go on it. daytime.
Dear Grateful: Sharing with others honors the spirit of this holiday.